Dear Agent...

Because the kids have yet another snow day today, and because I have no other material just yet, I'll share with you the mad-lib I filled out over on Elena's blog. She posted a couple of lovely fill-in-the blank posts, and I always love a good mad-lib. This one is for that agent from "you know where". *Please note that I have no agent, have not even looked for an agent, and have nothing at all against agents.* I just don't want one like this one...

Dear Agent,

I'm writing to you because I wanted to thank you for the personalized rejection letter, and I really just wanted to say, you went above and beyond to include so many four-letter words like *&%$ and #@$%. 

I understand that you're busy and possibly have Tourette's ,and look, I don't want to upset you any more, even though it looks like you drooled all over my letter.

Sometimes, I feel like calling you personally to scream some of that language back to you, but I'm afraid I'd make a sailor blush. And I'm not trying to scare you, but I coated this return letter with bubonic plague. I doubt someone as hard-skinned as yourself will contract anything from it. In fact, I'm pretty sure you're immortal, possibly a spawn of Satan.


Thanks for listening and understanding. 

From, 

(I quote you) "a whacked-out %$#&, stupid, &*^$ing excuse for a writer"